We have been on vacation for the last week and were in Idaho about ready to head into Yellowstone.  Our attorney had mentioned that she might be able to get us a court date this week, but honestly I thought that would be a long shot.  Regardless, I took my passport and Malaria pills with me.  Monday about 9AM Shawn ran into our room and woke me up.  He said, "Get up now and call the attorney, she can get us a court date but you have to be in Uganda by Wed".  Usually a trip to Uganda takes about 25-40 hours via plane.  I thought for a brief second, "Could I even make it by Wed" ?  I started looking at fares online and since we were in Idaho I would have to find something leaving from the tiny airport in Idaho Falls.  The fares were about 7grand!  Ouch!  Regardless, we called the lawyer and told her I would be there.  I then remembered the Golden Rule travel agency and did a quick search on them.  After finally piecing together a much cheaper itinerary I had about 45 minutes to pack, shower, get to the bank and be to the airport.  It was seriously insane.  Meantime, Peanut was a little freaked out as I was running around the house (my brother's home) trying to throw things in the suitcase.  Luckily I had brought my passport with me!  I had no driver, lodging or anything arranged and Shawn is working on that for me.  I now sit in the London airport on a 9 hour layover.  My eyes are heavy and I'm already tired, but I feel like this is a miracle and I'm rejoicing in it.  Today so many strangers have done things for me that have eased my mind and burden.  I even got moved on the flight and had 3 seats to myself so I was able to lay down the whole way!  I am still waiting to get an e-mail from Shawn verifying that we still have a court appointment.  I am trusting that God is orchestrating this beautiful symphony.  I am so weary.  This journey has brought me to my knees so many times and I'm praying that this part ends soon.  If all goes well, we will have a hearing quickly and Shawn will then have to fly back and go to the embassy for the visa.  We filled out a paper putting him as the Petitioner which means I cannot go to the appointment, he has to.  He is excited to get back to Uganda, so, I don't think he'll mind.  Please pray for us on this journey!  *****BIG UPDATE*****  I was writing this post while in the airport.  I didn't want to post anything on Facebook or blog until I was safe in Uganda with a secured hearing.  Shawn just chatted me and said I do have a hearing at 9AM.  I arrived at 7:45AM.  I will have to leave my bag and pray for a miracle to bless us to get there in time.  I will be coming off of 40 hours of travel and racing to get there.  I will have never met the grandmother who is giving me her grandson to raise until court.  I am so scared.  Please send out as many prayers as you can muster!  If you know where court is located, try to get ahold of Shawn, he is trying to tell the driver who is picking me up so he can get me to the right place.  This is insanity.  Blessed insanity!

I'm a mess tonight.  We are headed out to Yellowstone tomorrow for our vacation.  When planning this trip for the last 5 months I really believed Joseph would be with us.  I thought it would be a perfect trip for him to bond with the family before the craziness of real life began.  I thought it would be a great time for him to meet his extended family as we visited members on Shawn's side and then ended with a Benson family reunion.  But, God's timing was different. It's a hard pill to swallow, but I have to believe that.   I have this horrible sense of guilt as we head off for this fun and memorable adventure.  I want Joseph with us.  There is little to no chance of getting a court date while we are gone, but, I am packing our documents and passport just in case....................love you Joseph............we're coming soon! 

It's funny, but life keeps turning and turning even when you want it to stop.  I want the world to stop.  I want it to stop and say, "Hey wait, Joseph isn't home yet" and completely stop revolving so that time could stand still.  This summer is going to be very hard.  I've already felt it.  Every adventure, sunset, taste of ice-cream, or funny thing that happens I see Joseph.  I visualize what he would think if he were here.  Would he like Yellowstone?  What would he think when he saw a geyser?  Old Faithful?  How would he react to our loud and crazy family staying together with his 15 cousins?  Would he like smore's or would he find them too sweet.  Pretty soon he will grow up and leave our home.  I just wish he were here building memories before that that day comes way to soon.  On an interesting note:  About a month ago I sent a package to my friend for Joseph.  Her Aunt was going to take it to Uganda and I was to arrange pickup of the package from her and to get it delivered safely to Joseph.  It contained an "album" of family photos, 2 books (from Benson), letters, vitamins, and Joseph's favorite thing in the world, Axe Body Spray.  I told Joseph that he package would be coming.  It was a miracle that he got it.  So many phone calls and drivers and helpers had to be arranged before a pick-up and delivery were successful.  So, on Sunday when we spoke with him he said he got the package but he said, "Mom, there was no perfume (Axe)".  I said, "What about vitamins"? To which he replied, "No medicine or perfume, just 2 novels and an album (the letters were inside).  So, some dork, yes I said dork took my boys vitamins (and Axe)"!  My only thought was, maybe they needed them worse than he did....................oh well, at least he got the rest!

I've had several friends ask for updates.  Things have been seriously so up in the air that I haven't had much to write.  I successfully got Joseph to the doctor twice in the last month thanks to the kindness of two adoptive moms I met through Facebook.  I sucked it up and asked them for their help.  Each of them took the time to help him at the appointment which was such a blessing.  Going to the doctor may sound like an easy task, but, if you could only imagine the effort and small miracles that have to happen to orchestrate an event like that you would be surprised.  I won't go into details, but let's just say that after several money wires and many late night phone calls the appointments finally happened.  Joseph found out at one of the appointments that his vision in his left eye is very poor.  He had no idea!  Now, when you talk to him he says, "My eye is not seeing better" which means, My vision is not good!  He is not excited about glasses, but I told him it will make him a better footballer and he was happy after that.  I also tried to explain contacts, but how do you do that to a boy who hasn't ever had indoor plumbing?  So, he'll just have to wait and find out!  Oh how we miss him.  We are pretty sure that we will not have a court case until at least August.  There are no judges around and courts close July 16th.  We are very disappointed that he will not be home before school starts.  I believe there could be a miracle, but I'm trying to be realistic so I don't get my heart broken.  We had to re-do 100 documents and get them all notarized again.  Total pages sent 200!  It was yet another expensive package.  Can't say much else.  Everyday Shawn and I long to return to Uganda.  He is anticipating taking over a group of men as soon as we are back to normal and Joseph has had time to adjust.  We are so incredibly thankful everyday that God put this boy in our lives.  We love him no differently than our other children and can't wait to show him what a family is like! Hopefully after 10 minutes in the car with the kids he won't want to hop on a plane back to Uganda:) 

Thank you to everyone for their kind words and encouragement.  Many people have asked when Joseph is coming home.  That is a good question.  A month ago I was asked if I could be in Uganda in 3 days, but, as you can see, I'm still here.  Things are up and down everyday.  While this morning a small miracle happened for our case, it seems a big door was closed.  So, although we had hopes of having Joseph home by the end of this month, there is a good chance we won't even have a court hearing until August or later.  With that said, things change on a daily basis.  Since going "public" I've been very strengthened by so many of you dropping words of encourgement.  I guess that's what it means when we talk about bearing one anothers burdens.  I'm so thankful to all of you who are praying for Joseph and his quick arrival home.  Webale!

Well, this is it.  We are going to have 5 children soon.  Nope, I'm not pregant, we are adopting a beautiful boy from Uganda, Africa.   I'm finally ready to share with everyone what we have been working on tirelessy for the last 5 months.  Up to this point we have only shared our intentions of adopting Joseph with family and a few very close friends.  I am usually an open book, willing to share so much about our lives.  I am not a very private person, that is until we embarked on this rollercoaster journey.  There are many reasons I wanted to keep this to ourselves.  I don't know how people will react.  We have had several reactions from the few people we have told varying from very excited to well, let's say less than thrilled.  Some of the reactions are painful.  The stress of what we are dealing with is enough in and of itself and I just didn't think I could deal with anymore hurtful reactions regarding our decision.   Another reason I haven't shared is because my world is constantly falling apart and it's hard to talk about.  People of course mean well, but a casual, "How are things going with the adoption" can kick me in the gut in about 2 seconds flat.  The truth is, about 90% of the time things are not going well. Talking to someone when they "really" want to know is so much easier then when they a want a short answer. I appreciate people asking, don't get me wrong.  But sometimes when things seem to be falling apart, it's hard to talk about.  Another reason I think it's time to be open is because I am not myself and to be honest, I need people to give me a break.  Things that normally seem easy to do or that bring joy are no longer easy.  My days consist of trying to do things almost humanly impossible while sitting on the other side of the world.  There are days I buy a 200 minute phone card to Uganda and use it all in one day.  Every morning I wake up and every evening before bed I spend time on the phone talking to people in Uganda.  Lawyers, doctors, drivers, head masters, teachers, dorm fathers and so on.  Some of the conversations bring me to tears just for the fact that I can't understand about 50% of what is being said because of the language barrier.  I AM NOT MYSELF.  I am sad, I am scared and I'm sorry to those who need me to be more than I can be.  I am fighting for my son day and night and that's just got to be enough for now.  Maybe if I share what we are going through people will understand a little more the stress we are under.  Lastly, and most importantly.  The main reason I haven't wanted to share is because of the fear that this isn't going to work out.  First, I don't think I could live with myself after telling Joseph that he is going to have a family only to realize he's still an orphan sitting alone in Uganda!  Second, if it does fail, I will have less people that know, thus less painful conversations.  But, what I've realized is that by fearing those things I am completely laughing in the face of my Maker.  I am telling him, "I don't want to tell people because I don't trust you enough".  I have had faith through all of this, but if I really believe it, then why not share it?  It will work out, he will come home.  I can no longer live in fear of that.  God will finish what he started.  If I believe that, I wouldn't be afraid to talk about the adoption.  This is hard.  It is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.   I only ask that those who love us, will love our boy.  He is ours.  God granted us the gift to have him become a part of our family.  He is a blessing to us and we feel honored to have him as a son.  So, there it is.  This is why I've been acting funny, stressed, crazed, forgetful, and many other unpleasant adjectives.  Joseph is ours.  This is no different to us than fighting for Benson, Brinlee, Beau or Blaire and we will continue to fight until we can no longer walk, run or stand.

Unless you are going through this, or have gone through this it is almost impossible for one to fully understand exactly how this turns your life completely upsidedown.  Things that used to be normal are no longer normal.  The idea of chilling out at night and catching up on a good TV show gone.  My day starts out early in the AM checking e-mail, blogs, facebook and anything else that could contain a message, or a bit of news that may help our case.  I have made countless friends who are in Uganda or just got back from Uganda that are able to feed bits of info. to me on a daily basis.  My night usually ends the same way...........Uganda is just waking up and I'm able to chat online with others who are there and can give me new info about visas, judges, our attorney etc.  The problem is, we are stuck.  There is nothing we can do.  Regardless, I continue this day in and day out struggle of trying to connect to people a world away in the hopes that they may be able to get us closer to bringing Joseph home.  One such friend is someone I've never met, but she too is adopting.  She has been stuck in Uganda for months.  I put it out to her that Joseph really needed to go to the Doctor.  Now, in America that is quite easy, but remember, this is Africa.  Sarah, my friend doesn't have a car and needed to arrange a driver. Then, I need to stay up late at night to make the phone call to the Doctor to set up the appt.  Then call Sarah, ask if that's going to work, then she calls the driver to verify.  So, the appts set up.  Then I need to call the headmaster at Joseph's school to get a pass.  Then I have to wire money to Sarah to pay for everything and hope that I send enough.  Well, that's over, but now there is need for follow up tests.  So, tonight I'm spending my down time trying to call the doctor on the other side of the world and see if he will talk to me about the results of last weeks tests.  He will probably not speak to me, but hoping he will.  Then, I'll make another appt. for Joseph to come back for more blood work and all the other phone calls start over until at last I feel confident that Joseph will actually make it to the appt.  We were able to talk to him today and he wasn't feeling well. 

So, what am I trying to say?? I have no idea.  I think I'm slowly losing my mind............I'm jumpy all the time, always in a hurry and completely feeling imbalanced and out of sync.  I don't sleep unless my best friend Ambien comes to bed with me...................What has all of this taught me?? Well I know that I'm on a roller coaster that I have no control over and that the only way I'm going to survive this is if I allow HIM to take the wheel.  I have been brought to my knees so many times during this journey.  I've cried so many tears while standing in the shower hoping no one will hear me.  I've said dumb things, offended people (I'm sure) because I'm acting flaky and non-committal.  I guess my hope is that I still have a few friends left when this is all through.  I'm used to taking care of people and being more interested in their well-being than mine.  Right now I've really started to hibernate in my own world and tried to just stay close with my family.  I am totally and completely rambling......................this experience has changed me.  I feel like I'm being molded and shaped.  I just hope this journey makes me stronger than I've ever been before:) Sorry for the ranting and raving.......................