Sunday, June 6, 2010
Unless you are going through this, or have gone through this it is almost impossible for one to fully understand exactly how this turns your life completely upsidedown.  Things that used to be normal are no longer normal.  The idea of chilling out at night and catching up on a good TV show gone.  My day starts out early in the AM checking e-mail, blogs, facebook and anything else that could contain a message, or a bit of news that may help our case.  I have made countless friends who are in Uganda or just got back from Uganda that are able to feed bits of info. to me on a daily basis.  My night usually ends the same way...........Uganda is just waking up and I'm able to chat online with others who are there and can give me new info about visas, judges, our attorney etc.  The problem is, we are stuck.  There is nothing we can do.  Regardless, I continue this day in and day out struggle of trying to connect to people a world away in the hopes that they may be able to get us closer to bringing Joseph home.  One such friend is someone I've never met, but she too is adopting.  She has been stuck in Uganda for months.  I put it out to her that Joseph really needed to go to the Doctor.  Now, in America that is quite easy, but remember, this is Africa.  Sarah, my friend doesn't have a car and needed to arrange a driver. Then, I need to stay up late at night to make the phone call to the Doctor to set up the appt.  Then call Sarah, ask if that's going to work, then she calls the driver to verify.  So, the appts set up.  Then I need to call the headmaster at Joseph's school to get a pass.  Then I have to wire money to Sarah to pay for everything and hope that I send enough.  Well, that's over, but now there is need for follow up tests.  So, tonight I'm spending my down time trying to call the doctor on the other side of the world and see if he will talk to me about the results of last weeks tests.  He will probably not speak to me, but hoping he will.  Then, I'll make another appt. for Joseph to come back for more blood work and all the other phone calls start over until at last I feel confident that Joseph will actually make it to the appt.  We were able to talk to him today and he wasn't feeling well. 

So, what am I trying to say?? I have no idea.  I think I'm slowly losing my mind............I'm jumpy all the time, always in a hurry and completely feeling imbalanced and out of sync.  I don't sleep unless my best friend Ambien comes to bed with me...................What has all of this taught me?? Well I know that I'm on a roller coaster that I have no control over and that the only way I'm going to survive this is if I allow HIM to take the wheel.  I have been brought to my knees so many times during this journey.  I've cried so many tears while standing in the shower hoping no one will hear me.  I've said dumb things, offended people (I'm sure) because I'm acting flaky and non-committal.  I guess my hope is that I still have a few friends left when this is all through.  I'm used to taking care of people and being more interested in their well-being than mine.  Right now I've really started to hibernate in my own world and tried to just stay close with my family.  I am totally and completely rambling......................this experience has changed me.  I feel like I'm being molded and shaped.  I just hope this journey makes me stronger than I've ever been before:) Sorry for the ranting and raving.......................