Thursday, May 6, 2010

Smile!

I posted this so I could remind myself  how happy I usually am!  Can't wait to feel that good again when this is all over.  Seems like all the smiles I put out lately aren't real.  I'm a good faker.  The above photo is a real one though and  it makes me happy to remember feeling that way.  And, I just had to post a photo of Joseph's Grandma B.  She is excited to meet you.  Isn't she cute!  Couldn't ask for a better mommy or grandma.  I just realized I sound so much like Eyore.  Funny thing is, on this roller coaster the next day could bring great joy.  I hope I sleep tonight!

Midnight

It's midnight.  No one would believe me if I told them what today brought. Down, Down, Down, Up.  I did make a phone call, an important one, I waited up and got a person on the line who seems to never answer their phone.  There is a glimmer of hope on the horizon.  I prayed mightily before I made that call and there may be progress.   Now, the waiting starts again.  I never give up though, ever.  Thanks for the kind comments from other PAP.  You guys are really, truly the only ones who can understand any of this.  I pray for you too. 

Bad News

 More bad news today.  As it stands our application for a court date is ready to file, except for one thing.  This one thing stands in the way of everything.  There may not be anyway around it.  Try as I may a solution doesn't seem possible right now.  Without this "thing" we cannot file and unless a solution is found we won't be bringing Joseph home.  I am going to stay up late tonight and call our attorney.  I've been on the phone with people for 3 hours today.  This week alone I've bought and used $50.00 worth or calling cards and they are almost gone.  The problem I'm having with all of this is that I feel like the human connection is getting lost in all of this.  THIS, is about Joseph but because of all the bureaucracy, money, papers etc. the task of giving this boy a home sometimes feels hopeless.  I'm trying hard not to be sad.  I know that Joseph would be so worried if he knew how bad I'm feeling.  I know he would say, "Mother, have faith and God will provide".  I'm trying to listen to his voice telling me that.  His faith is so big and I'm clinging to that right now.  We aren't giving up in any way, but, we could really use some extra prayers, I just don't know if mine are big enough:)
Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act. Proverbs 24:12