Wednesday, March 31, 2010

What?

We have not shared the news of our adoption journey with very many people.  Why? Well there are many reasons, but number one is WE JUST DON'T KNOW.  That is, we don't know when our court date is, when the visa issue will be resolved, if the visa issue will be resolved, and sadly, if we will get the favor we need to get Joseph home before he is sixteen.  Writing this, I can barely control my emotions.  Just saying the words, "if he gets to come home" is enough to knock the wind out of me.  Will he ever know how much he was wanted, how hard we tried?  Day in and day out the world keeps on turning and all I hear, see, think and feel is this adoption.  I just think it would be too much for me to face the questions if everyone new.  I went to the gym this morning with my happy face on after hearing some bad news in the Ugandan adoption world and it was all I could do to keep it together.  I have told a few people and their support has been invaluable.  I've told a few family members and their response has been pretty positive.  I think the difference with an older child is the reaction you get from others.  Some people just don't know how to react.  There are some people you tell and they never mention it again.  That hurts.  My life, my world is revolving around this adoption.  Joseph's hopes and dreams rest upon my shoulders and the only person who can lift that burden is my Maker.  I find myself crying randomly, praying, pleading, even begging.  I will survive if this doesn't work out, but I fear for Joseph.  The abandonment he has already dealt with in his life does not need to be compounded by the promises we have made possibly going unfulfilled.  The only people who have read this are most likely from the adoption world, I haven't given the blog out to very many people with the exception of a few close friends.  Any advice?  Yes, I'm whining.................I can't help it.  I feel sick about it. 

1 comments:

Jared and Jessica said...

Suzy, After seeing you briefly today at church, I came to your blog to see how things were going. Oh, how I wish there was more resolved. You have every right to "whine", in your heart he is your and you are his and no matter what happens that connection and LOVE is real. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers. If you need a friend, don't hesitate.